While out enjoying a cocktail with a lovely friend, the two of us were accosted by an inebriated gentleman who was at least 10 years older than the both of us. I am married and was wearing my ring; my friend politely informed the man that she is a lesbian. This did little to dissuade the man; he proceeded to try to convince my friend that he would be able to steer her away from her sexual orientation. Mind you, this man had neither the face of Brad Pitt nor the charm of Clark Gable, to say the least.
Moments later, a seemingly more reasonable gentleman ventured over to engage us in conversation and rescue us from the buffoon. This man did not come across as a contender for the next Nobel Prize by any means, but he was able to hold a reasonable discussion with us while keeping his gaze leveled above our necklines. However, before we managed to conclude our discourse, he felt the need to interject with the following: "You know, you both are really attractive, but you'd be so much better looking if you had long hair."
Really? Last time I checked, my hair was very fine and thin and looked like stringy seaweed when I let it grow past my shoulders. Also, I couldn't care less whether or not this man I barely knew found me attractive. This manner of thinking drives me insane. What if I went up to men and randomly dispensed that kind of advice? What if I had told this guy, "You know, you're nice and all, but you'd be a lot more attractive if you lost 20 pounds and erased 10 years off of your face." I mean, hey--that's the truth, and it's just my honest opinion! Doesn't that make it okay to say something insulting? And while I'm on the subject, why is it that whenever a woman wants to cut her hair, at least five people need to warn her that her husband might get upset? As it turns out, my husband prefers my hair short, but be that as it may, I have worn it long, short, blonde, red, brown, or purple as the mood struck me. It's only hair. Taking this one step further, what about women who have no hair due to illness or conditions like alopecia? Are they supposed to feel revolting or unfeminine because they aren't able to grow this lustrous cascade of man-pleasing ornamentation? I guess it's important for me to have long hair for my man to grab onto after he clubs me over the head and drags me back to his cave while donning his loincloth.
What tools! Those are such obnoxious things to say. You are totally right; for some reason, some men still believe that comments on how we can be more appealing to them are, um, helpful. As if you or I or anyone else is going to tear up and exclaim, "THANK YOU! Now I know the secret, and my life is complete! OF COURSE it's the hair. You are a genius and a god. Would you like a sandwich?"
ReplyDeleteI wear make-up, style my hair, care about clothes and shoes and what not, and to be honest, I can't really reconcile that with what I believe. I could tell myself that it's to make ME feel good, but why? Why do I feel good when I feel attractive by society's standards? I know I'm a product of my culture, and that that is why I wouldn't be comfortable going any farther than the trash bin in standard "guy" getup: shower, brushed teeth, stubble, baggy clothes. I really admire women who do, and who insist that they are perfect as they are.
I hear you on that, Dang. I admire women like that as well. I have days like today where I let my hair air dry, wore no makeup, and went without a bra. I felt great; however, that's only today. I have other days when wearing makeup and getting dressed up is the only way that I can feel good about the way I look--and in that respect, I am doing it for me. Still, why is it that doing those things is the only way for me to feel good about myself sometimes? Points to ponder....
ReplyDeleteMy mouth is agape, and not because I'm showing off some extraordinary capacity for fellatio, although I'm sure that's what either of those schmucks would be thinking if they saw me. Wow. Apparently neither was aware that he was insulting you, revealing a cultural blindness stemming from Adam's rib... this project is part of the revolution.
ReplyDeleteAbout the long hair thing. Most women's fashion is used to call attention to secondary sexual characteristics so as to entice a mate. However, it also seems to serve a dual purpose of making it really hard for the woman to get away. Think about it. Long hair, cumbersome gowns, tight skirts, high heels, foot binding, corsets, all of it decreases mobility. Admittedly I have not done any research on this, but it's just my observation. Your caveman imagery reminded me of this.
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